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So, I'm going back to boulder soon, two or three weeks out. I'm…

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So, I'm going back to boulder soon, two or three weeks out. I'm apprehensive, I haven't seen people in a year or more and I don't want it to be like Davis. My friends in Davis have started calling me the nameless one, because I'm not around much. I have a job, a girlfriend and class, I've become introverted and a bit of a malcontent. I need to find people that respect me for me not for what people expect of me. I want to move out of my apartment, I want my own space where I have control over what happens in it, I don't want to have to come home to a mess, I don't want to have my food eaten, my drink drank and my room, my space and my belongings abused. I'm poor, I don't like, I want to be able to drop three hundred dollars on a coat, I don't want to worry if I have enough money to eat, or to get a hair cut. I want a car. I've been in California almost a year, and I've been to Berkeley, San Francisco, and San Jose, I haven't seen my family out here in three years. I want out of the country, but study abroad may not be for me, I don't know if I have the money, I want the CIA internship, but don't know if I'll get in, or pass the background check. I want to write a book, I don't know why, I just do. I'm at a point where I don't know if I should even attempt for study abroad or internships, cause I don't want to get my hopes up. I love many aspects of where I am, and want to stay here, but I'm supposed to graduate early, I don't know if I can, I'm in school year round, the longest break I get is Winter, I don't drink regularly, I clean up from parties, I clean the apartment I don't stay in, I fix things, pay to fix things that I didn't break, I'm sick of it. I don't want to be the nameless one, I just don't want to be like all of those drunkards. So instead of being a drunkard, I'm a drunkards pawn, which is worse. I really want to kick the crap out of Charlie sometimes. He sleeps all day, doesn't go to class, doesn't clean, and then gets pissed when I don't pick up his shit. I have 9 months left. I need to start being forceful in my relationships, but my concerns are always written off as bullshit. So yeah...
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On November 29th, 2007 02:09 am (UTC), petitchaton commented:
You should give me a call or something when you're in town.. I haven't seen you in ages...
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