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A History Written on the Back of a Matchbook

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I ardently strive to be strong and silent. In reality I just don't want to tell anyone the truth because every time I don't tell a lie I find myself caught in a position I very much don't want to be in. Thats my postsecret. I wouldn't write that without the vodka in my system. It's three thirty where I'm at, I've probably had too many martini's, probably too many beers, probably too many shots, and probably too many cigarettes...
Why must people foist themselves into my affairs? Sarah (my room mate's girl friend) has made it her personal mission to find out my past proclivities, in every sense, sexual or otherwise. This disconcerts me, I'm feverishly attempting a relationship with someone two years my senior, I do not wish for my previous relationships brought up by everyone (for Sarah's mouth is very large and loose, and we all know what they say about loose lips), it's just me, but I posit that those are null and void, she still is of the opinion that each and every one of those holds some small peace of my being that is inherent to my life, that I should be an introspective lens which she can look through. I believe that she should, quite simply, keep her large nose in her own business. My being, pieces and all is my business, no one else's, so damn her.
Vanessa got back from Vegas tonight, I'm pretty sure she fell asleep an hour ago, which is disappointing. I would have liked nothing more than to see her, to fall asleep with her.
The funny thing is, I don't want to sleep with her in the classical sense, the philandering, sensual sense, I just want to fall asleep with her, she may talk in her sleep but I probably snore so it evens out. I missed her, not a good sign, everyone needs a friend who gets around (me, I'm that bloke who tries to be a modern day Casanova by the remarks of my mates) well, anyway, regardless of my remarks of my mates, I missed her, I told no one, it wasn't important. Missing her was my thoughts, my business, (the beauty of it was that no one else knew) and I enjoyed, no reveled in it, I liked the fact that my room mate, my room mate's girl, my friend's were left in the dark, I enjoyed that bit of subterfuge... and now I'm alone in my room, bored and alone... I wish the shuttle back from Vegas would be a little quicker than it is. Or not, she may not call, she may just pass out, its three forty-five in the morning, an hour and forty-five minutes from when I last talked to her, my fingers fly over the keys making assumptions my brain has yet to comprehend. I should go to bed, instead I'm going back to the start. Thats all I suppose, Jethro Tull comes on my iPod making me want to wander, I suppose I will sign off with that.
Peace and Love to all
P.S. Its The Streets now (irony of ironies)
Current Location:
My Lappy, dorm room probably
Current Music:
The Streets, Fit But You Know It
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Been thinking a lot today. Didn't eat anything today. Have had the better part of a twelve pack. Miss Vanessa like no other, sorta need her to keep me outta trouble. Like her lots. Slightly drunk, so I apologize for the post in advance (or post depending on how long this post is, although it seems to keep getting longer the more I write (no shit right?) oohps double parenthesis) Yeah... thats it. Slightly drunk, missing Vanessa, excited that it'll last the summer. Yeah thats it... peace all.
Current Location:
Yar dorm room
Current Music:
Ben Folds
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How does one relate Freud to Faust? Well, if you're me you'll wait until thirteen hours before the due date to try and find out, but it's not totally my fault, I've been playing bike mechanic for the last ten hours. So, on the off chance that this website saved one of my rants about the return to patriarchy in the United States I just clicked through almost three years of entries. They're bizarre, I remember some of them, some I'm convinced aren't me. I suppose we've come a long way since the days when the most important thing was the quiz on some easy and broad concepts in European history, well, culturally, intellectually, that argument holds water, but scholastically the assignments can be damn similar. It's ironic that the main reason I use this damn web page is to bitch about girls, I really ought to get a real life (ha). Well, my room mate has a girlfriend now, it's "official" now (a point I still do not understand) its not terrible except that this man is supposed to be my friend but he lets my find out on face book. I suppose it has something to do with him wanting to kick the shit outta me a while back... Don't know. Me, I'm aiming for the 21 year old still, maybe it will work, maybe not but I sure as hell won't have these damn girls who think they're still in elementary school asking about it like before (I swear to god I got a note complete with check boxes for yes and no as to whether or not I liked this chick)...

I should probably go and work, I really don't want to...
Current Location:
Dorm Room still
Current Music:
Watch Me Fall - Uncle Tupelo
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Why isn't this quarter over yet?

Haven't slept since Friday. No house party kid'n play last night what so ever, my boys feel like police officers...
I have two papers and a presentation due in ten hours on a book I have yet to finish, a paper on a book I have yet to start and a paper on a movie I have yet to watch due Tuesday.
In short I'm pretty fucked.
On a lighter note (?) I'm falling for my 21 year old 'friend' who just got out of a five year relationship and wants nothing more than to have a "no strings attached, assumptions free, flexible (hah, double entendre)" relationship with me, which is fun.... but....

Guaranteed two quarters here over the summer assuming I get a place to live.
Still need to find a place to live next year.

Pretty much this sucks. Too much to do, and far too little time to do it.

Current Location:
Amid the beer cans, bike tires and bullshit of my dorm room
Current Music:
Fan, AC, room mate
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I'm staring down the barrel at another year of school, not summer and then a year but five quarters of school, back to back. No break. No rest for the wicked. I may be that kid that sets the curve on the midterm, but I also get an f for attendance in section. Hence to rest for the wicked.

I'm sitting at my computer contemplating writing an essay on a movie I didn't watch, I don't want to, I really don't have to, I have a walk on this- I'll just have to write the next three. I want to sleep. Can't. Not only does insomnia suck more than hemorrhoids, my room mate has a girl in his bed... and they're talking. Second night in a row and I have gotten nine hours of sleep since friday night.

This isn't just any girl either, this girl and I had a thing for a while, about ten days ago. She jumped from me to Charlie so fast I didn't even know what happened. Not that I mind, I don't. She's not the brightest bulb in the box, it just causes me to question all the facets of my relationship with either of them, not a good position for me.

The girl(s) I'm into, well is(are) more or less nonexistent. They all have boyfriends or for some reason think I'm asshole, or just disappear like Casper.

Got hit by a car running back to the dorms in order to save Charlie's girl from a potential rapist. I have fantastic luck. Asshole, not relationship material, but the first person people call when shit hits the fan. Ten minutes after I ousted the man I had to do it all over again for someone else. God, I feel sorry for exorcists.

Everything is just peachy keen out her on the West coast.
Going to go trade energy drinks for beer.
Peace.
Current Location:
Dorm Room
Current Mood:
blank ?
Current Music:
Complications- Atmosphere
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"Chris may do more reckless things than me, may regret more than me, but at the end of the day I still think he has more fun"
- A very dear friend who I have not talked to in three months

Not exactly true, I wish it were. My life has been a mixture of fun and procrastination, not so much recklessness as just rampant irresponsibility which has now ceased to exist, well, for the most part. Without getting into details I pretty much have bollixed up many aspects of my existence that I thought were beyond attack... seems they weren't. I broke up with N------ (not sure if I posted that yet) and I did it rather poorly solely due to the fact that I don't break up with girls as a rule, they break up with me... well anyways, I botched it and she now despises me which just gets chalked up on the big board of people who cease to talk to me for either my action, or their interpretation of my action.  The list has become rather long, which is indeed unfortunate. The bizarre thing about it is the fact that I don't feel nearly any guilt for just breaking up with N------ due to the fact that she and I had absolutely no basis for a relationship in my mind, which is ironic for that is exactly what E---- said when she gave me the boot. I am destined to repeat the deeds (call them mistakes if you will) of others. Ironically others are destined to repeat the mistakes I've made and I feel ill at ease watching friends of mine walk into situations that I know in the end may devastate them, however, they are all situations that I cannot intervene in for fear of reprisals from all parties involved (both those I know and those I do not), additionally they are situations that one really needs to figure out on their own, like realizing that the first time you have sex is guarunteed to suck, or premature sex messes everything up in a relationship, or a little simpler: drinking to much makes you sick, those kinds of situations that one pretty much must experience in order to appreciate... or maybe not, maybe there are a lot of people smarter than I am... though from the stories I've been hearing it sounds like not... I'm not sure where I'm going with this, I just sorta wanted to type a bit... Pretty much people are dumb... and they need to stop romanticizing the actions of others and get on with their own because while the grass may always look greener it really isn't, trust me...

Not to be maudlin mind you, I'm actually quite happy where I am reading Goethe and analyzing political systems... seemingly when there is a lack of interesting drama in my world it pops up everywhere else and vice versa.

Oh, I guess I have one piece of news I'd like to announce to the world: whoever keeps grabbing my ass in poli sci really needs to stop... its gotten beyond the pail.

I aparrently am Leonardo from the Teen Aged Mutant Ninja Turtles as of Friday... I find this disconcerting but much better than either Adam Savage or Ron Weasley
Current Location:
...Dorm Room?
Current Music:
Piste 10 - Faust
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Oh yeah, here's a fun factoid, actually two.
I'm not over Elena... or I don't think I am.... or something... not sure
I have a thing for a friend of mine who has an offagainonagain boyfriend
Wahoo me
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Okay so, I'm not a big fan of basketball, nor of Charlie's incessant need to channel surf, so it looks like I'm stuck in my room on the laptop, bored out of my mind. So, a quick update as to my last few weeks:
    1. Broke up with Natalie
          Our relationship was utterly superficial and boring
    2. Wrote too many papers
    3. Trying to get a place to stay 
    4. Apparently need to get a car

Bored.

Gonna go wrest the remote from Charlie...

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Hang me up to dry. I'm pearly like the whites, the whites, of your eyes.

Vodka. Status: Need More Alcohol.
Drunk. Plastic ended up in my vodka.
Alcohol. Not cognizant as to how my alcohol had vodka in it.
Not Drunk. Cognizant of above statement.
Drunk. Think above above statement hilarious.
Girlfriend: Missing in action.
Typing typing typing.
Going to go kill people.
Weeeeee!
I'm glad that I have said liquid.
Wreaking havoc, back later, bastards.

Current Location:
Table!
Current Music:
Disconnect - Ima Robot
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So. I joined a frat a few weeks ago, it was a mistake. I had 'imbibed' a far amount. It was a trick I tell you. I'm now out, and glad to be out. Frats are sort of like cults.

I got a butcher job of a haircut, it is very short and a little disconcerting. That and I hopefully have a date on Friday, hopefully she didn't dig on my long hair.

Okay, I'm off to play squash. Lots of fun.

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