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So, I'm going back to boulder soon, two or three weeks out. I'm…

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So, I'm going back to boulder soon, two or three weeks out. I'm apprehensive, I haven't seen people in a year or more and I don't want it to be like Davis. My friends in Davis have started calling me the nameless one, because I'm not around much. I have a job, a girlfriend and class, I've become introverted and a bit of a malcontent. I need to find people that respect me for me not for what people expect of me. I want to move out of my apartment, I want my own space where I have control over what happens in it, I don't want to have to come home to a mess, I don't want to have my food eaten, my drink drank and my room, my space and my belongings abused. I'm poor, I don't like, I want to be able to drop three hundred dollars on a coat, I don't want to worry if I have enough money to eat, or to get a hair cut. I want a car. I've been in California almost a year, and I've been to Berkeley, San Francisco, and San Jose, I haven't seen my family out here in three years. I want out of the country, but study abroad may not be for me, I don't know if I have the money, I want the CIA internship, but don't know if I'll get in, or pass the background check. I want to write a book, I don't know why, I just do. I'm at a point where I don't know if I should even attempt for study abroad or internships, cause I don't want to get my hopes up. I love many aspects of where I am, and want to stay here, but I'm supposed to graduate early, I don't know if I can, I'm in school year round, the longest break I get is Winter, I don't drink regularly, I clean up from parties, I clean the apartment I don't stay in, I fix things, pay to fix things that I didn't break, I'm sick of it. I don't want to be the nameless one, I just don't want to be like all of those drunkards. So instead of being a drunkard, I'm a drunkards pawn, which is worse. I really want to kick the crap out of Charlie sometimes. He sleeps all day, doesn't go to class, doesn't clean, and then gets pissed when I don't pick up his shit. I have 9 months left. I need to start being forceful in my relationships, but my concerns are always written off as bullshit. So yeah...
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On November 29th, 2007 05:13 pm (UTC), gooberthered commented:
So fuck em
If they're not showing you respect then they don't deserve yours. It's a two way street and right now you're the only one driving it sounds like.
I'm not gonna lie man, it sounds like you've matured a lot since we last met up in person, and I really respect that.
As to the study abroad and the internships? I'm kind of in the same boat, but it's one of those "All ahead and damn the torpedoes" sort of situations. The worst they can say is no, but then at least you know you tried rather than spending forever wondering about what you missed out on. And hell, its no big deal if your graduation is postponed a semester by going overseas and truthfully, if you want to work for the CIA or any internationally active government body, a semester abroad is going to help you far more than staying at Davis.
I can't promise that Boulder won't be like Davis, but I'm fairly sure that we're all still fairly motivated and highly achieving people (I've gone to almost every single class this semester). I'm looking forward to having you back man, even if only for a bit. Mr. Christopher Thomas Phillipe Armstrong, it's been too long.
P.S. If you want someone to pick you up from the airport, just let me know.
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