Hm. So V has one of these, and I read it. I guess thats as simple an introduction as I could hope for. She writes about me in it, it was one of the most awesome and devastating things I've read. Hopeful but cautious. It was a little worrisome to be honest. She's getting a weird view of me from my friends here, they don't know me per say, only the person I was for the months of freshman year, the time they knew and hung out with me, our 'lives together' span a period of nine months, which I rank some of my stupidest, and most inane, not to mention self sabotaging. I don't know how to change that perception.
So, I'm not sure what to do or say or think currently. So many aspects of my existence in Davis have been in flux, and the only thing thats been remotely solid is V. I'm grateful for it, and I love her for it, not for only that mind you. My friends here (as I've previously commented about) aren't exactly the most stellar characters, and it freaks me out that Charlie is Spencer, and that due to this similarity I let him get away with shit I shouldn't. It makes me mad that my friends don't respect me enough, don't respect V enough.
Back to the topic at hand, as I said, what I read was awesome yet devastating. For the most part she's right, which is the devastating part, and she loves me regardless (in theory?), which is the awesome part. I don't know. This doesn't make sense. I'm so used to existing on a probationary plain that I've become accustomed to the migratory aspects of that that sort of life entails. I don't do the whole close knit circle of friends bullshit here, I create persona's in order to exist within the circle, its been that way off and on for a long time (see: Christenson, Jon, etc.) I'm finding it harder and harder to fulfill the persona I've created here due to V, its a good thing but its making things in other area's of my life difficult. I love her and it freaks me out that she's so close.
I don't know where this is going, I'm not used to not having an 'expiration date' on relationships that last past the initial phases, (see: Natalie). Its freaking me out, cause I want her around but I don't want her to give up anything to stay around, but again I still want her around.
So yeah, I love her. I don't know what to expect. This is all new for me, four months is longer than anything since KB, which boggles the mind. That's part of the weirdness I don't know how to handle.